i realize that this world is plastic

& nobody will be here forever.

that this world is fucking FAKE

full of smudged lipstick on napkins

broken mirrors

broken hearts

broken spirits

& manicured models reading Vanity Fair

critiquing the models

& despising themselves.

i realize that i want to hold something

that isn't blurred

that has defined edges & boundaries

where love

[real love]

exists in something more than

a reality t.v. show & two people who

share a 6 week relationship

[bombarded by cameras & ratings]

but are convinced they 'love' eachother.

& i don't want to turn on the radio/television

just to hear

bad news of death & dying & war & the environment has gone to hell & all those things

i mean i'm just 17

& i've got a long fucking way to go.

i'm already waist deep in hate

& crime

& i've done crazy bad shit to my body

to deaden my lonliness & anxiety

& the paranoid feeling i wake up

with EVERY-SINGLE-DAY

convinced that nobody really loves me

because love has been belittled to

those bachelors on tv that swore love

& now are on prime time saying that don't love that person anymore.

god.

i am only SEVENTEEN.

<3<3<3

but even though this is life

i love it

[[truly love it]]

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