i told him before you know..

that i didn’t want to go on anymore.

Not to touch me

because then i would know

exactly what he felt like

& when he left

it would be that much harder.

i didn’t mean to make him scream.

i didn’t mean to make him try & hurt me

but he says sorry doesn’t help

& in the back of my mind

i know he should be the one apologizing

but I’m too busy

trying to make him forgive me

for sins i don't understand.

<3<3<3

& the good boy

the boy he won’t let me see

says i am the Band-Aid for mankind

& i should rip myself from everybody

fast

to avoid them being hurt.

But then again, sometimes

i want to disassociate myself nice & slow

to hurt them.

So they can feel the same pain

that they caused me.

[[but that’s my secret fantasy & no

one should ever know. because that would make me a bad,bad girl.]]

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